Setting the world free, one heart at a time

Wanting to make a difference..

2011-10-22T21:55:00.000-04:00

Have you ever felt so small in comparison to great problems of the world and wondered how your life or your actions could ever make a difference?
Well, that's how I feel tonight.
I've been reading Jerry Bridges for the last 2 months and have not gotten through unaffected. Currently I'm reading Respectable Sins and today I read the chapter on selfishness. I don't want to be the type of person who does something good only because of feeling guilty. I want to be the type of person who does good because I have Christ in me and I reflect Him. All that to say, I watched a movie tonight that made me think of the great need in Africa.. AIDs, orphans, women being taken advantage of because they are the weaker ones... of course these are not just in Africa but all over the world, but most of the time when I hear the words AIDs or orphans, I think of Africa. Well from that movie I felt stirred to do something, but I don't want that stirring to be only because of the need being in my face. I read an article recently that one of my friends recommended about empathy. The article pointed out that most people respond to a need when it is right in front of them, but tend to not respond to other needs because they don't take the time to notice them.
I know that God has set me apart and that I am already not of this world. I don't know why I keep trying to fit in like I am. There are needs out there and I want to do what I can to make a difference with the "vapor" of a life that I have. Not out of feeling guilty because I have more, but out of a heart of love, a heart of compassion, a heart of Christ.

Father may I live for You because You are my life. "There but for the grace of God, go I."

2011-08-03T21:10:00.000-04:00

I've been trying to think of way to describe the past 2 months of my life. Many people have already asked how it was in Haiti. I can only say good or great and then tell a few stories. I know that I have changed, but I'm not sure yet of how much. So for now I will share a few stories and leave the life lessons for later.

Teaching was difficult for me. In the beginning I especially became frustrated often and cried a few times about my inadequacy. I had trouble controlling the kids and getting them to respect and listen to me. It was halfway through the summer that my views changed somehow. I had to give an assessment of what the kids where learning to one of the Canaan Orphanage staff. At first I was frustrated about this because I had felt pressure to come in and make a difference. However, after praying one night I realized that I had been trying to get approval or affirmation from the kids. I wanted them to like me. I also realized that I wasn't doing my best but just trying to get through the day. From this point on, I changed my attitude about teaching. I had the kids write about some of the things they had learned from previous classes and realized that they remembered the stories and activities more than the concepts I had taught them. So I worked toward more activities and more stories. Although I still had trouble getting the kids to always behave, I lost my fear of what they thought of me and soon they began to respect me and even talk to me outside of class without me seeking them out. I even enjoyed teaching the last few weeks I was there! Of course, that doesn't mean that I'm going to be a teacher or even want to be one, but I did find my place in the job that was assigned to me over the summer.

I got sick often. From the kids and the water. There was a period of 4 straight weeks that I had some health issue. If ever God leads me back to Haiti, I will have to ask Him to boost my immunity.

I couldn't figure out how the Haitians view whites. Anytime I was outside of Canaan, I was called "blau" which means white. I became part of everyone's conversation when I passed by. Kids would ask me for money, candy, my watch, hat, or anything that was in sight that they wanted. Once when I was by myself running, some boys threw rocks at me. Adults would either smile or point at me and yell something I didn't understand. I'm sure if I knew Creole, I could work toward changing their view of whites, but in just two short months, there wasn't much for me to do except take whatever they threw at me.

Haiti is a beautiful country. The Caribbean Sea is so clear and the mountains are green and lush. It is like entering into a different world. However, Port-au-Prince is still in terrible shape. Buildings are still in crumbled pieces on the side of the road. There are piles of rubble and trash all over. Tent communities span the parks and fields. The roads have pot holes and bumps. It still needs loads of help, not just money wise, but heart wise. The people take the law into their own hands and cause riots, steal, and do whatever they want. God's love is needed in their life. That is the only way that the country of Haiti will change for the better. Please pray for them 'that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God's mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.'

Thank you always for your prayers and commitment to me and God's calling for my life.
Amy

2011-06-26T20:45:00.000-04:00

I've been in Haiti for two weeks now and things are going well so far. I've had a few tough days but God has been good and provided encouragement and peace through those times. We started the reading program on last Monday and I teach 4 classes Monday-Thursday. I teach the lower reading levels and Robin teaches the higher ones. The first day was difficult. I had trouble keeping the kids in line. One girl started crying and one of my classes was totally disobedient. But I made it through one week!! Also, this last week we had Open Door Baptist Church here and that was encouraging on a number of levels. They really invested into the kids and they were quiet and sad all day yesterday when they left.

My typical week consists of waking up around 6 or 6:30, eating a breakfast of eggs, bread with peanut butter, and a banana. Then teaching from 8 to noon. Spaghetti or peanut butter and jelly with bread for lunch. Then planning my lesson for the next day and finding other things to do to pass the afternoon away. Dinner is usually at 5 or 5:30 and it is usually rice, beans, and some kind of meat, usually chicken. After dinner is down time. The generator is on at night so there is internet available during that time. Everyday there is usually something interesting going on. Today some of the medical girls who are here to help in the clinic for the summer amputated a dog's leg because of an infection that had spread to the bone. Gross!

Current prayer needs are:

That God would continually grant me motivation and peace for teaching and living life here. Some days are more difficult than others.
That I would not just help the kids to read better but help them to understand God and His Word more. Every day that I teach I read the kids a Bible story and try to read them scripture and explain the meaning. Robin and I also want to start a Bible study with some of the older girls.
That my health would stay good. Yesterday morning I came down with either walking pneumonia, bronchitis, or something dealing with congestion in my lungs and a fever. However, the medical girls gave me an antibiotic to take and that has helped today.

That is about it for now. Thank you for continual prayers and encouragement!!

2011-06-08T18:47:00.000-04:00

Hey all,

I'm not sure how internet is going to be when I get to Haiti so here's a small update to guide your prayers in case I'm not able to update for awhile..

What I know right now is that my roommate Robin and I will be doing a reading program for the older kids at Canaan Orphanage. The kids really struggle with comprehension so that will be our focus. We were told to do our own thing but having never taught before, we really don't have our own thing. This summer is going to be really good for me but also very difficult as I will be doing things I have never done before. This past Sunday at church, the pastor talked about asking God for motivation for the things He calls us to. Please pray for me that I will have motivation to do the difficult things that God calls me to this summer and following.

Also, pray for the children we will be working with. They need to know that they are loved and cared for, especially the older ones. I desire to share the most important love with them: God's love. Please pray for opportunities.

There will be many different volunteers from churches passing through Canaan this summer working in different ministries. Please pray for opportunities for them to share as well.

About Haiti in general, it is the poorest state in the Western Hemisphere. Around 75% live on less than $2 a day. However, Christianity is steadily growing there and the earthquake has provided many opportunities for Christians to come in and share. Please pray for this poor nation, that they may find the real treasure of Christ which is worth far more than any earthly riches. For more information check out www.operationworld.org/hait or click the link below to buy the book.

Thank you and I hope to update again soon!

Operation World: The Definitive Prayer Guide to Every Nation

2010-07-05T17:01:00.001-04:00

The best way I feel I should share is by typing up a few entries from my journal that I kept while in Malaysia. The first entry is from Saturday June 26. The missionary we worked with in Kuala Lumpur does student outreach. In order to have a place for students to come and hang out he transformed a regular house into a community hangout that he calls Connection Point. Connection Point is just minutes from a major university and a shopping mall. Students are invited to come and hang out and also learn about the gospel. On certain days the missionary has teaching times for all who are interested. This entry is about one of these teaching times:

This afternoon with the teachings was really good. Some nonbelievers were there and I know that Dr. Merkle and Chris presented well. I'm really glad I was able to meet some of the girls. E, from Malaysia who is a believer, J, from China who I think is also a believer, and K, from Iran who is not a believer. E was very encouraging to talk to. She has a huge hear for her country. Talking to K was very interesting. We talked a lot about Southeastern and what it teaches and also what I want to do in the future. That one conversation with her helped me. I don't remember exactly what I said because I know that God was speaking.

Some of the other seminary students talked with some of the males there and later I was told that they had some really good conversations as well. This was one of our most encouraging days with the students because we had lots of time to talk with them about the gospel in a safe setting.

This next entry is from Monday June 28. We left Kuala Lumpur and went to the island of Penang. There we helped out another missionary. On this particular day we went with this missionary to a Buddhist temple then to a village in the mountains. Here is the (edited) entry from that day:

Today was long but probably one of the best days. We went back on to the mainland and first stopped at a Buddhist temple. The temples here are very different from the ones I went to in Japan and Thailand. Lots of colored statues. The only thing that was the same was the incense. Dr. Merkle said that even though the temple was build in the caves the reason was not because of a reverence of nature but because of the cooler breeze. That is interesting to me because the temples are so well kept and the environment so important in Japan. I didn't really like being there so I'm glad we didn't stay long. After lunch we headed to the village but got a little lost for an hour or more in all the bumpy half-dirt roads. The people in that area were helpful so we eventually found it. The village was smaller than I expected. It was right off the road and about 15-20 adults lived there. There were 3 homes and one open structure. I didn't really know what to do but the missionary introduced me to one lady and from that moment the ladies welcomed me. I sat with them and held one of their babies and drank some milk tea. I tried to smile a lot to let them know that I enjoyed being there with them and they seemed to not be bothered by me. After awhile they called everyone together and performed a welcome dance for us. Everyone was welcome to join after a few minutes so we did. There was a team from Singapore with us and a few of them shared their testimony while the missionary translated. Then he talked about Adam and Eve and their sin then shared about Jesus. He asked if anyone wanted to receive the gospel and about 6-8 people raised their hands. The missionary prayed for them, then we all gathered together and prayed out loud all at the same time...

Later I learned that the village chief was one of those who received the gospel and by him accepted Christ, the whole village accepted. Also, I learned that the missionary and a local pastor had been working with this village for about 6 months, sharing with them stories from the Bible. The day that we joined them just happened to be the day of harvest! Praise God! I have further thoughts to share but I'll leave it at this for know. Thank you so much for your prayers and support! Below is a clip from the welcome dance performed for us.

Welcome Dance

2010-07-05T17:00:00.000-04:00

Pray for me!

2010-06-18T15:54:00.001-04:00

Going to Malaysia for the next two weeks. Don't expect to have internet to update so here is a prayer calendar to guide your prayers for me! Will update when I get back.

Malaysia Trip Prayer Calendar

Monday June 21 – Saturday July 3, 2010

*Sunday*	*Monday*	*Tuesday*	*Wednesday*	*Thursday*	*Friday*	*Saturday*
Satan begins his attacks long before the trip. Start praying against him now! Col. 2:13-15 CLAIM GOD’S VICTORY	June 21 Depart RDU at 6:00am Pray for travel safety and peace, as well as unity for our group. Psalm 91 SECURITY	June 22 Arrive in KL at 6:40pm Pray for the missionaries we will be working with. 1 Cor. 15:58 COMMITTED LEADERS	June 23 Student outreach in KL Pray for relationships to be established with university students. Matt. 5:13-16 SALT & LIGHT	June 24 Student outreach in KL Pray for boldness in sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ. Eph. 6: 19-20 BOLDNESS	June 25 Student outreach in KL Pray for wisdom in answering student’s objections. 1 Pet. 3:15 BE PREPARED TO RESPOND	June 26 Student outreach in KL Pray for many students to come to Christ. Acts 4:31 HOLY SPIRIT POWER!
June 27 Travel to Penang Pray for God to prepare the way. Acts 16:6-10 GOD’S LEADING	June 28 Prayer-walking in Penang Pray for God to move in the hearts of those who are blinded by the god of this world. Acts 16:13-15 GOD OPENS HEARTS	June 29 Outreach in Penang Pray for wisdom for the missionaries who lead us. James 1:5-8 WISDOM FROM GOD	June 30 Outreach in Penang Pray for new church plants. Eph. 4:11-16 MATURE CHURCHES	July 1 Outreach in Penang Pray many to receive the gospel. 1 Cor. 1:18 GOSPEL IS POWER	July 2 Depart KL at 5:40pm Thank God for His goodness and faithfulness. Eph. 3:20-21 TO GOD BE THE GLORY	July 3 Arrive in RDU at 1:25pm Pray for rest. Matt. 11:28-29 OUR REST IN JESUS

	God to be glorified		Many people to be saved
	Clear guidance from the Holy Spirit		Unity, good attitudes, humility
	Spiritual warfare against the Enemy		Good health, safety, and protection
	Many open doors for the gospel		Communication (especially across cultures)
	Boldness and clarity in preaching Christ		New churches to be planted
	Our contact missionaries		Protection and care for family left at home

a hard concept..

2010-04-14T11:50:00.013-04:00

In my church small group we've been going through Colossians. This week we studied 2:8 which says:

See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ.

We discussed what it means to be taken captive through philosophy, deception, traditions, and principles of the world. Then we came to a new thought pattern for me.. How often do we as believers do things or not do things and feel guilty over them? The example brought up in discussion was "Why do I feel guilty for not always praying for my friends?" A flow of question flood from this:

What has led to this feeling?
Am I using my time wisely or am I wasting time?
Do I think that the Holy Spirit is convicting me or am I convicting myself?

The last question really made me think, how often do I convict myself? As Christians how many times do we think that God loves us more or less by our actions? How often do we think that we've really screwed up and God doesn't want to hear our prayers? As Paul says, "May it never be so!!!" What Christ did for us on the cross is the only thing that saves us. We can NEVER earn God's love or merit. It is a gift and when God looks at us, He doesn't see us, He sees Christ.
I think this gets us back to the verse. A philosophy and deception from the world is salvation by works. Here's a song that lyrics have been a comfort to me when I feel like I'm trying to prove myself to God. May it encourage you also.

2010-02-21T18:24:00.004-05:00

"Life in this world has its enticements because it accommodates us to its order, patterned to beautiful (lower) things. Sin arises from this, and from things like this, only if a disordered fixation on lower goods draws us off from better and higher goods, and thus from the highest good of all, you, my God, your truths, your law. For no matter how delightful these lower things are, they cannot match my God, who made them all, since he delights the just man, and is delight itself for those 'who keep their hearts in order.'" Confessions by Augustine.

In my theology class we talked about keeping our hearts in order. How do we do this? In my professor's opinion, he recommended that we watch our loves. We should have a level of loves:

God
family	hiking	peanut butter
friends	kayaking	coffee
	jogging	books

Using the professor's idea, I created a chart for myself with my own order of a few loves. I cannot love hiking like I love God, therefore, it is becomes a 'like' so I can keep it in order.

This all was a new idea to me, so that is why I share it. I desire for each of you that read this to delight in God because He is "the highest good of all".

2009-11-16T14:31:00.005-05:00

I asked the Lord, that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek more earnestly His face.

I hoped that in some favored hour
At once He'd answer my request,
And by His love's constraining power
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry powers of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

"Lord, what is this?" I trembling cried,
"Wilt thou pursue Thy worm to death?"
"'Tis in this way," the Lord replied,
"I answer prayer for grace and faith.

"These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may'st seek thy all in me."

John Newton

2009-06-06T16:04:00.009-04:00

Here's some notes that I took at a recent church conference that I attended. Enjoy!

Mark Driscoll

What is the church

church members today focus on living a victorious life instead of being a church on mission
the church should be the work of the Holy Spirit in the heart of followers of Jesus
preaching should be the first thing a church should do
- we must get over the fear of men
- most churches when they preach Christ, preach him as a means to an end
a Biblical church must have...
- regenerated church membership
- regeneration is the key mark of a new believer
- qualified leadership
- all God's people are equally saved by God but there are leaders who guide them
- qualified leaders are humble leaders
- gatherings for preaching and worship
- we must stop doing and receive what Christ has already done!
- sacraments rightly administered
- show people that church is a priority
- too many churches do too little
- unified by the Spirit
- church discipline
- obey the great commandment to love
- obey by giving
- demonstrating our love for one another
- evangelize to make disciples
- the church exists to bridge the nations
- God's people are a going people

Ministry Idolatry

the opposite of Biblical worship is idolatry
you become like what you worship so if you worship Jesus, you will become more like him
most of the time we worship things that are essentially good and in worshiping them, we make them our god and that makes them bad
idols give people identity and you build your life on your identity
the Bible is about the theology of the cross - what Christ did for us. many Christians create a theology of glory - what I do for Jesus; acts of becoming more righteous
those who idolize also demonize - they demonize the opposite of what they idolize
Common idolatries
- money
- attitude of "God will bless me if I'm rich/poor"
- family
- seek loving, secure relationships that will never end; seek love, affection, acceptance, and identity - THESE THINGS SHOULD ONLY COME FROM GOD
- single people seek a spouse that will save them from their singleness ~ their spouse is their savior!
- sexuality
- getting to disobey continually is the ultimate wrath of God ~ Romans 1:24
- substance
- drugs/alcohol/food <--- Christians will stay away from alcohol but will be gluttons! - morality >worship performance
- think that God loves them because they obey Him
- people
- focus on fear of man, disapproval ~ this makes people timid and cowardly instead of bold
- attendance
- for pastors or church leaders -- are you happier when church attendance is high and sadder when it is low?
- gift
- attitude of "God uses me because of my skills!"
- fruit
- attitude of "God must love me because of all that He put me in charge of"
- tradition
- family, background
- method
- church's methods and ministries are worshiped over God
- office
- for pastors -- is it more important for you to be known as a pastor or as a Christian?
- success
- ministry
- walk with God only because of your job
- innovation
- focus on the uniqueness of your church or ministry instead of God
- leader
- people leaders are your idols
- want to be more like your leader than God
Answer to be free of these idols is repentance
repentance is not what we preach, it's what we practice

There will be more to come..

2008-12-21T20:45:00.004-05:00

after being in a country for almost 3 years, what gives a person peace about finally leaving? what makes that time worthwhile? for me, it's seeing the people that have changed since i first met them. it's watching them share about how their life has changed to others. it's hearing them talk about God in a way that holds no fear of what others may think.
in these last few months, i have seen Japanese christians stand for God like they never have before. whether they have been christians for 6 years or 6 months, it doesn't matter. God has given them a powerful faith in Him that cannot and will not be shaken. i feel ready to leave because my job here is done. i can look at 2 timothy 4:7 and feel content that God used me and that lives were changed because of that.
thanks to everyone for your support, encouragement, and prayers! it's been an amazing, life-changing 2 years and 9 months. Praise be to God!

2008-10-23T09:34:00.002-04:00

there's some new pictures up at:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=38271&l=488ed&id=503303800

check them out!

seeking knowledge

2008-10-23T08:00:00.003-04:00

have you ever stopped and thought about the knowledge you have of your faith? if you were faced with someone who believed something completely different than you did would you be able to stand your ground?

lately i've found that i don't know much about the background of christianity. it's sad to admit that i haven't considered it important enough before now to actually that the time to research it. being here in japan, i pretty much am the expert on christianity because most people have never heard anything about it before. so whatever i tell people has to be truthful or else i'm telling them something not valid. however, it never occured to me before that i should test everything that i have heard from others. i always trusted what others said because i knew them to be an honest person but as the bible says:

but test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good. ~1 Thessalonians 5:21

And the people of Berea were more open-minded than those in Thessalonica, and they listened eagerly to Paul’s message. They searched the Scriptures day after day to see if Paul and Silas were teaching the truth. ~Acts 17:11

if the people tested what paul, author of 13 books of the new testament, said then how much more so should i test what people tell me? i don't about you but i don't want to be telling people information that *might* not be true. i want to know my stuff; not just for others but for myself as well. it gives me a deeper appreciation of my faith when i know more of the background and the sacrifices others went through to make sure that it was carried through to the next generation.

2008-09-25T22:29:00.003-04:00

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
~james 1:2,3

My comfort in my suffering is this:
Your promise preserves my life.
~psalm 119:50

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
~1 corinthians 1:3,4

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
~1 peter 5:8-10

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
~1 peter 1:6,7

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
~romans 5:3,4

But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction.
~job 36:15

this past year i've felt a lot of pain.
some of the pain was God bringing to light many of my faults so that i could become aware of them and let Him take control of them.
others involved changes that were bought about either in my life or the lives of those close to me. these changes were not bad, just difficult for me to accept and thus caused me much pain.
i can truly testify that while in pain, in trial, in suffering, in troubles, that God is much closer and gentler than any other time. these verses speak true for me. they are what i hold on to when life starts to move in a direction that affects me in a negative way. i have hope in Him that He is in control and He is the author and perfecter of my faith. i still have a long way to go but as long as i hold onto Him then He will take care of me and bring me through this. :)

ps.. the font is bigger so that some people who have a hard time with smaller font can read this.

stories from august

2008-08-24T01:07:00.008-04:00

so as everyone can see from the last post, a lot went on this summer. lately, i've been spending my time meeting friends and sharing with them. the last week of july, i met a guy named yu-san through some of the interns and volunteers. here he is pictured below.

when i first met him i had originally thought he had just become a christian, but then later found out that he had believed but it was just something he accepted just as he accepted buddhism. he didn't understand the importance of believing in one God and no other gods or idols. in the following weeks after the interns left i met with yu-san and introduced him to some of our japanese christian friends to help with the language barrier. yes, i've been in japan for 2 1/2 years but no, i can't effectively share about christianity in japanese. anyway, last wednesday yu-san left for australia to study english for one year and in one of his last emails to me he said he was very thankful that he had met me and that i had thought him about christianity and he hoped that he would meet a christian in australia so he could learn more. he also said he was searching for the truth. i'm going to mail him a copy of the purpose driven life in japanese so he can understand a bit more on his own.

so everyone, please join me in praying for yu-san. pray that he does meet a christian who can continue where i left off. pray that God will speak to him through the power of His word and other resources. pray that God reveals His truth to him and that God's truth will set him free! (jn 8:32)

also, this month i had the privilege of meeting a girl named na-chan. she became a christian over the summer with one of the interns and started going to a japanese church near where she lives. she's pictured below with nikki and me.

when we met her, she was so thirsty for the word. she had been reading the bible every day on her own and trying to learn as much as she could. when we mentioned that we did house church and studied the bible together she said, "can we do that now?" so we opened up to luke and started studying. when she saw that our bibles had Jesus' words in red, she asked why and then started highlighting all of Jesus' words in her bible in the passage of luke that we were studying!
she has been sharing with her parents and younger sister and last sunday her mom and sister went to church with her. now her sister is interested in learning more about God!

please pray for na-chan and her growth as a new believer. pray that God continues to reveal new things to her in His word. also pray for her family and especially her younger sister to know God.

thank you for praying with me for these two. i'll keep you all updated on what God does in their lives!

Intern video 2008

2008-08-10T10:06:00.002-04:00

Here's a video showing how God used the interns that came and served with us over the summer.

headed in this direction

2008-06-28T10:05:00.004-04:00

Gripping on so tight with the security I have inside
Knowing what is right holding onto my pride

Letting go of the things I hold so dear
Letting go of all my pain and all my fears
Letting go of the things I hold so dear
Letting go of all my pain and all my fears

I have been brought to a place
Where I want to give up everything
Where all I can do is seek your face
And my brokenness I will bring

Holding on to the things I deem so strong
Holding on even though I know I've held on too long
Holding on to the things I deem so strong
Holding on to what I know

I'm letting go

I was reminded of this song this last week as I spent time in Thailand for a big meeting. In my last update I mentioned being in storm, well God is bringing me closer to the point that He wants me to reach in this storm. As the chorus says, " Letting go of the things I hold so dear Letting go of all my pain and all my fears" This is exactly what I'm having to do, but thankfully I'm not doing myself, God is doing it. I could never do it alone. God also showed me this verse in Isaiah 38:17 this last week:

Indeed, it was for [my own] welfare
that I had such great bitterness;
but Your love [has delivered] me
from the Pit of destruction,
for You have thrown all my sins behind Your back.

Thank you Father for bringing me through this storm and for throwing all my sins behind Your back.

2008-05-30T13:30:00.003-04:00

For this last month and a half I have held onto this picture in my mind. Not only is it a cool picture but there is a story behind it which relates a lot to what I'm about to blog about. It was taken by Josh while we were in Okinawa. I never saw this while we were there but Josh and Nikki did. I was standing beside Nikki and Josh as they looked at it but i missed it completely. That doesn't mean that it wasn't there. It just means that I was focusing on the wrong thing. The reason I like it so much is because it was stormy that day and yet one ray of sunlight is shining through the storm. So many times my life is stormy, but God's light is always shining through like this. If I am focusing on the wrong things then I will miss His light. It doesn't mean that it isn't there. It's always there but what matters is if I acknowledge it's presence even if I can't always see it.

The reason why I'm blogging about this now is because I am going through a storm; a personal storm that is really hard and changing me and pushing me in a direction that I don't want to go in. I know God's light is in this but I'm having a very hard time seeing it and even acknowledging it, but it's still there. If you do read this, please pray for me. God is faithful to answer our prayers if we pray them. I know I need prayer. I can't make it through this storm without your prayers. I want to see God's light shining through, even when everything else is dark.
Thanks.

additions to my family

2008-04-30T09:12:00.004-04:00

as you can see by the picture our apartment has been added to. debbie arrived in japan on the 18th of this month. God has had perfect timing for her arrival for both nikki and i. it's really been amazing to see the perfect addition she makes to us and our apartment. ^^d

also, the other newbie is the little black and white thing in the middle that debbie is holding. he has yet to be named because we just got him yesterday, but we're working on it. at the moment, he is being called a few things including: little guy, shrimp, and daniel's choice of "chinchilla".

if you can think of a good name for him, let me know!

2008-04-12T21:07:00.003-04:00

josh, nikki, and i took a trip to okinawa, japan at the beginning of this month. here's a slide show of what we saw and did. enjoy!

easter and cherry blossoms

2008-03-24T11:16:00.016-04:00

this past easter we joined together our two house churches and invited our japanese christian friends for a special easter celebration. there were 14 of us all together; 6 japanese christians, 7 of us m's, and a chinese christian. all the christians (besides us m's and one japanese guy) have been christians for less than one year, the most recent one being only a month ago! God is doing some amazing things here. this country has changed in just the 2 years that i've been here. i mean, at this time last year we didn't have any new christians that we were working with; just ones that we had been introduced to and now, people left and right are becoming christians. it's awesome!

something else that is awesome is the cherry blossoms this year. this is my last year to see them so i guess i'm taking them in as much as i can. here are some pictures from this year:

a few lessons learned...

2008-03-08T23:46:00.008-05:00

God's been teaching me some amazing stuff lately and i want to share some of it with you guys.

first of all, i've been studying through matthew and yeah, there's some crazy stuff going on in that book that i never noticed before. matthew 16:13-17 talks about peter's confession of Christ and before i just read over it like it was no big deal, but recently i was drawn to verses 16 and 17. verse 16 is where peter says, "you are the Christ, the Son of the living God." then in verse 17 Jesus says, "blessed are you, simon son of jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven.." i'm not sure how i just skipped over how important this verse is. it basically says that people cannot say that Jesus is Christ unless God reveals it to them. it's not by our words that they will believe. it's not how good we describe the gospel. in fact, it has absolutely nothing to do with us at all! it's all God. He is the only one that can reveal things to people. i mean, peter was actually with Jesus. he saw Jesus do miracles countless times and still he could not say that Jesus was Christ without God revealing it to him! pretty amazing, huh?

last sunday, i was having a bible study with some older, experienced missionaries and we were discussing isaiah 58 which talks about true fasting. isaiah the prophet is rebuking the israelites on fasting. he says, starting in verse 3b,"yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please...your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. you cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high. is this the kind of fast I have chosen, only a day for a man to humble himself? is it only for bowing one's head like a reed and for lying on sackcloth and ashes? is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord ?" then it goes on to say, "is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen. is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?" then a few verses later, "and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. the Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. you will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." so after much discussion i started to get a picture of how it all fit together. so i wrote down some thoughts:

true fasting is not about what we are doing without, it's not about our needs; it's about meeting others needs, going without to fill so so that it's not us meeting their needs but God, because we ourselves are empty. it's about giving and trusting God when we have nothing.

then after more discussion i wrote down:

or... it's about having and giving that which we have away.

at this point God gave me this picture..
imagine you have a big juicy apple. i imagined a fuji apple because those are really popular here and i love them. so you have this fuji apple that you are about to eat and God says, "don't eat that apple". so you, being the obedient christian that you are, put the apple aside and think, "no big deal. i'll just eat it tomorrow". then a hungry person walks by and God says, "give them the apple".

you know, sometimes we're so caught up on our acts, or works that we miss the things that God really wants us to do. one of the missionaries mentioned how often he is like the priest in the story of the good samaritan in luke 10:30-35. he said sometimes he is so focused on his mission, his obedience to God that he misses the people he could be helping. if God said that we should "spend" ourselves in bahalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed instead of just fasting by ourselves, then that just shows me how much of a selfish person i really am. i always make fasting about myself going without food, my want to please God, my act for Him, when God clearly states over and over it's not about us.

blessings in disguise

2008-02-16T03:59:00.012-05:00

hey guys. lots of stuff has been going on.. well, maybe not lots and lots of stuff, but a good decent amount of stuff.

the last two weekends i've been gone on retreats. the first was the ladies retreat for all the female m's in japan and then last week i went on a retreat with the christian JET fellowship group. JET stands for the Japan Exchange and Teaching program. one of our m's here in tokyo works a lot with the christian fellowship group and so she wanted some of us jmen to go on the retreat and encourage some of the teachers with the work that we do. most of the teachers are still young like we are so they can reach out to the students they teach and to others their own ages.

the retreat itself was really great. it was sorta like a discipleship now if you know what that is. great worship and fellowship, awesome speakers, and lots of prayer time. we even had one day that had the afternoon open so i went snowboarding for the first time.

even though i went to be an encouragement to others, i truly was mainly blessed myself. i met some awesome people that really have a heart for what they do. they're not missionaries with the official term, but they use their teaching job to tell the students about God. now that is truly inspiring to me.

here's a few pictures from the retreat and other things as well. enjoy!

mount fuji seen from the chapel of the place we stayed at on the ladies retreat.

liz came back with us after the ladies retreat to spend a few days in tokyo. on one of the days she was here its snowed like crazy so we had a big snowball fight (which in japanese is ゆきがっせんをする or yuki gassen o suru). here you can see liz chasing rickie, one of the mks.

all of the journeymen in japan. we are a very good looking bunch. the cream of the crop.

kohei (the japanese guy next to daniel), trent (not pictured), and lindsey (not pictured) all had their birthdays at the first of febraury, so nikki and i threw them a birthday party at TGI Fridays.

my first snowboarding experience. i wish i had had some butt padding pants like eileen did. ouch. -_-;
but it was fun anyway!

i was a small group leader at the JET retreat. it was a great experience for me to lead and challenge others. here's me with one of the small groups i lead.

this is the christian JET fellowship group that was on the retreat. there were maybe 40 or so of us i think.

well, that's about it. for more pictures check out these link:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=15031&l=88abf&id=503303800
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=14755&l=a66f3&id=503303800

back in japan at full speed!

2008-01-20T07:42:00.000-05:00

hey everyone! thanks for sticking with me even with my lack of updates. i'm been pretty busy since getting back. first with a meeting with all the m's in japan, then a volunteer team, then wrapping up things at universities. here's a few pictures to show the highlights. first, this is from the meeting, i was in seriously jet lag and trying to stay focused and pay attention during all the meetings. which weren't bad so to speak, just a little hard for me to stay awake in. i still am unsure what a few of the speakers talked about.. okay well, this picture is of me, nikki, and liz. it was great to catch up with liz. the last time i had seen her was thailand. at the end of this month i get to see her again though! we're having a ladies retreat which she is coming to and then coming to tokyo to hang out with us city people for a few days!

one of the best things we did at our meeting time was going bowling as a tokyo team. here you can see my team of daniel, nikki, and ruthie. we all did better than we thought we would! but yeah, it was a great break from the meetings, well, at least for me it was :)

kuni invited us to go to the sento (japanese style bath.. that is.. public bath) with him (don't worry, ladies and men are separate) so leon, nikki, and i went and during the whole time we were there, it snowed. it was a great feeling just sitting outside in the hot water with snow falling from the sky. afterwards we took a very flattering picture of us enjoying the snow on our tongues. it hardly ever snows in tokyo, so you can imagine our excitement.

we had a gyoza (fried chinese dumpling filled with pork, cabbage, and such) party for nikki's birthday. this is some of us in the kitchen making the gyoza. it's quite fun. a lot of work though. takes about an hour of preparation, then you have to cook it, so that's another 20-30 minutes. totally worth it if you make it right though. mmm, yum!
yeah, so this is nikki, kuni, daniel, leon, and me having much fun in the kitchen.

this is us girls at the party. the dark haired girl is melissa. she arrived here last month. she's really nice, plus she's from california and knows how to surf and swing dance so that knocks her cool points up really high. :)
pray for her as she adjusts to life in japan.

lastly, these are two girls i met one day at kanda university. emi and saki. i had lunch with them this past friday on their last day of class. pray that they may seek the satisfaction that comes only from God and not boyfriends, friends, and entertainment.

alright, hopefully that was a long enough update for you guys! take care! ^_^

christmas with the fam :)

2007-12-26T00:28:00.000-05:00

so i'm back in the states til january 6. it's been good to see my family. once i got to the airport in okc i was greeted by my sweet niece aisley.

then later in the week it snowed!

got to hang out with an old friend :)

then christmas came and i received some awesome stuff and ate some amazing food!

and that concludes the update for now. happy holidays everyone!

Bragging on the Father!

2007-12-08T07:12:00.000-05:00

While doing 5 minute english, I talked to this young man named Yuya. He is a sophomore at Wasada University. As we were talking I asked him one of the questions from the 5 minute english book which says, "Are you a spiritually minded person?" He didn't understand the question so I asked him whether he believed in God or not. He said that he did because before a test he would pray for a good score. I asked him if he prayed at the temples and he said that he did at New Years. I mentioned that in Buddhism or Shintoism there are more than one god and told him that in Christianity we believed there is one true God who made everything. I almost mentioned that if you have a relationship with this God than your life will have purpose. Then somehow that lead into talking about the bible. He told me that he had received a bible while in high school. So I asked him if his high school was Christian and he said it wasn't but that his principle enjoyed reading the bible so he gave one to each of the students. From that I started to share the gospel with him and he was very interested and affected by the part where Jesus died in our place. After sharing with him I asked him if there was anything holding him back from believing everything and he said no. So I asked him if he wanted to become a Christian and he said yeah and prayed to receive Christ right there! Afterwards he looked at a picture of Jesus and said, "I love Jesus!"

It was really really awesome!

What made it better is that I had been having a bad day that day and so I know that God wanted to encourage me and show me that He will use me no matter what my mood is. What makes it even cooler is if you read the blog post before this one. God didn't have to use me but He did. He didn't have to show it to me but He did. I'm overwhelmed by the way He works. Good stuff, huh?

life in the moment

2007-12-06T02:32:00.000-05:00

God has been teaching me lately that it's not about me. when someone becomes a christian i am quick to allow the thought come into my mind as to how i was a part of their salvation, when really i have nothing to do with it at all. God is the one who saves people not me.. and yet, still somehow i want to attach myself to it like i had something to do with it.

it even happens at the universities or when people hang out and i'm not there. if someone has an amazing conversation with someone or spends some time studying the bible, i am quick to be jealous of them. i ask, "why can't you use me God? why can't i see that?" as in it's all about what i do.

i was reading this week in john and read about how thomas doubted Jesus was alive because he didn't see him. every other disciple saw Him and thomas heard their testimony and yet, still he wanted to see Jesus with his own eyes; to touch Jesus' hands and side. how often i am like thomas. i want to believe God is there working without seeing it. i want to believe that i'm being used even when it feels like i'm not.

i feel no shame in admitting this. i am human after all. romans 4, in the message version, part of verse 17 says, "We call Abraham "father" not because he got God's attention by living like a saint, but because God made something out of Abraham when he was a nobody." that gives me hope, because i'm definitely as far away from being a saint as the stars are from the earth. so to know that God will make me, a complete nobody, into someone that can be used by Him gives me a huge comfort. to know that He still loves me and still uses me even when i am jealous and selfish.. that love is too good to be true and yet it is. it's the only way i can continue forward. i have hope.. in Him.

thanksgiving fun!

2007-11-27T08:14:00.001-05:00

the day after thanksgiving we had a party for our Japanese friends. we had almost 30 people come, mostly students from the universities we've been going to. besides us i think there were 8 Christians, 6 of them Japanese! i'm pretty excited about the friendships that were formed through this. i know everyone had a great time and most everyone that came is still thanking us for inviting them to it. :)
here's a link to a video from the party: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdIiA2F05Kc

also, here's another slideshow. hope you all enjoy it!

yet another slideshow

2007-10-26T02:06:00.000-04:00

here's a sneak peak of happenings in october.

for more information check out my roommates blogs:
nikki-
http://utsukushiiashi.blogspot.com/
audrey-
http://aheartforjapan.blogspot.com/

Dokkyo University

2007-10-26T01:29:00.000-04:00

I don't know much about Dokkyo's history except that it was founded by Germans. It's not a very highly rated school in Tokyo, but then again Tokyo does have over 100 universities so, I'm sure that if people recognize it's name that it's famous for something.

Anyway, Dokkyo has greatly changed over the time we've been going. Over the summer we had some amazing prayer warriors going there almost everyday and God has really answered those prayers. Every time we go to Dokkyo now, we have a bible study with someone. Last week, we even had a guy accept Christ from the bible study club.

There are many of the students that are interested in studying the bible and others that are open to Christianity. It's really a blessing to be able to go to this university and see how much God has opened up doors. CCC has a team that comes every Wednesday I think and we've met one of the Japanese Christian students that helps with that and it's awesome to here about his passion for the university. Also the bible study club (mentioned earlier) has a lot of passion for their fellow students.

Please lift up the students that we are studying with: Mai, Manami, Miyuki, and Hiromi. Lift up the bible study club and the outreach of the Christians in that club, including the new brother from last week. Pray for more students to be open to the word and for the people that are studying to be able to make the decision to trust God as their Savior!

Thanks everyone!

university focus

2007-09-28T09:48:00.000-04:00

universities have started back up again so i'm going to put some information on each university that i am going to so you guys can know how to pray for each one.

the first one is: obirin university.

obirin university is a christian university and new freshmen have to take classes on the bible. however, hardly any of the students are christians or become christians.

there is a chapel on campus but most students go there only if they have too.

please pray for this university. that God would open up doors; that students would be open to learn about the God that the university was founded on.

as of right now, there are only a few students that we know and we know them only because eileen introduced them to us before she left. eileen did a bible study with a group of girls. in this picture are 4 of them. 2 of the 4 are christians. there are also some others that aren't pictured that were in the bible study too. hopefully megumi, the second girl on the top left, will lead the bible study now that eileen is gone.

please lift up megumi as she leads the bible study. also pray for the other girls that attended the bible study, that God would continue to teach them through His word.

also, pray for nikki and i as we go to the university each week. pray that we trust in God to lead us and open doors to reach the students.

thanks for your prayers!

a second slideshow

2007-09-28T09:12:00.000-04:00

i think i like this slideshow idea.. it makes blogging so much easier. so i might as well continue with it.

so here's the slideshow for september:

aisley faith lovelace

2007-09-15T23:03:00.000-04:00

my new niece!

isn't she the cutest baby ever?!? o^_^o

another month has passed..

2007-09-03T22:36:00.000-04:00

here's a slide show of some stuff i did in august:

the summer

2007-08-09T08:27:00.000-04:00

this summer was the most that i've visually seen God move. we had about 15 or so people accept Christ and 4 people baptized! never in the history of missions in Japan has that happened in such a short amount of time. it's been awesome to be a part of everything going on here and to be a part of the new believers lives. it's an amazing responsibility to have an impact on so many lives.

besides the new believers we also have a ton of people wanting to study the bible and learn more about God.

here's a video that we made sums up the summer pretty well:

also here's a few pictures from the summer:

some sweet sweet girls that eileen taught in bible study at obirin university. they had a party for eileen. saeko is the girl on eileen's right with the white shirt. she's really really close to becoming a christian. please be lifting her up that she would finally put her trust in God the Father.

me, eileen, and nikki at eileen's going away party. this was her last evening in japan. we miss you eileen! btw, nikki is the jman that came in april. don't know if i mentioned her on my blog before. she's amazing!

a picture from the intern retreat we took. this is of the lake with mount fuji in the background. it was an amazing retreat.

liz, me, josh, and our tour guide riding elephants in thailand. we had a convention to refocus and teach us new things after being in a different/new country for more than 6 months.

me, mina, and kristin (one of the summer interns). mina became a christian in july. please lift up her growth as a new believer.

eri, megumi, yuka, and me about to watch a movie. megumi and yuka are brand new believers. please pray for their growth also. eri is a christian and is wanting to help teach megumi and yuka about the bible.

lastly, here's audrey, me, and nikki. audrey is our new roommate. she arrived mid july with another jmen. she's pretty awesome!

okay, that pretty much sums it all up. hope everyone enjoys the update!

golden week! (and a few other things..)

2007-05-29T02:29:00.000-04:00

golden week is a week full of three japanese holidays: children's day, greenery day, and constitution memorial day.

it's called golden week because everyone enjoys "golden" time off. i enjoyed my time going hiking and to a baseball game.

the city life can get old really fast. being from oklahoma, i need open space and fresh air every so often. so hiking was really refreshing. of course, it was still in the greater tokyo area. this city is SO big! it takes hours to get out of it.

the baseball game was amazing! we watched the chiba marines vs. some other team from north of tokyo. we were rooting for the marines because chiba is part of tokyo but unfortunately they lost.. :(

but! it was still awesome to watch because japanese baseball is a little different from american baseball. each player has his own cheer and when the pitcher is changed, the new pitcher comes out on the field in a car. yeah, that's right, a car. kinda tacky..

another thing i noticed that was in the way the cheers were done. in america when we are cheering we always yell our cheer with a fist but in japan, or at least at this game, they yell with an open hand. you can click on the picture and see for yourself. kinda interesting, huh?

also this month my parents and sister, danielle, came to visit. they had lots of fun (i hope!) here and got to see much of what i do.

danielle is still here hanging out and helping with the volunteers and the ministry. i'm so glad to have her help. she'll be here until june 14.

anyway, that about sums up this month. take care everyone!

sakura sakura yayoi no sora wa miwatasu kagiri...

2007-04-12T03:03:00.000-04:00

...kasumi ka? kumo ka?
nioi zo izuru;
iza ya! iza ya!
mi ni yukan.

those are some of the words to a famous japanese song called sakura or cherry blossom that plays during the spring time in japan. you've probably heard the tune before but never knew what it was about..

yeah, so in case you didn't realize it by now, this blog is going to be about cherry blossoms. the last 3 weeks have been cherry blossom season. they started blooming on march 25 and a week later were in full bloom. here are a few pictures..

the japanese love to get out and sit under them, as seen in the first picture.

they hold the promise that the long winter is over and spring is on it's way! yay!

one year..? really..?

2007-03-17T08:12:00.000-04:00

yep, truly it has been one year since i first arrived in japan.

it's been pretty much the best year of my life. i have changed drastically in my personal and spiritual life. God has bought me so much closer to Him. He's taught me so much about how to be the person He wants me to be.

of course, this year hasn't been easy at all. i've been pushed and pulled out of my comfort zone and challenged in ways that i would never want to be challenged in again... but something that i have learned through this all is that the closer we are to God's path for us the more we will be pushed and challenged. the first disciples didn't live an easy life. the world's conception of being a christian and living a "happily ever after" life and never doing anything dangerous or scary and/or facing any difficulties, is totally unscriptual... but that's another blog for another day.. sorry to sidetrack..

but yeah, it's been an amazingly awesome year. thanks for all your prayers, encouragements, greetings, letters, and packages along the way.

now one more to go!

::edit::
i also thought i would add a picture of the newest addition to my family.

a used yamaha fg-401 bought off ebay for $95.

my family is going to bring it to me when they come to visit in may. i'm pretty pumped about getting to play on my very own guitar instead of playing on my roommates (..not that there's anything wrong with playing on my roommates...)

ps...

2007-02-26T08:54:00.000-05:00

new photos up on my pics site in the links. they're a little out of order.. but at least they're finally uploaded ^_^;

also, just wanted to add a few things God's been teaching me lately..

it's easy to be lazy and i've been lazy with a lot of things especially language learning.. the the other night in my quiet time i read the verse "whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men" in colossians 3:23 and God reminded me that with everything i must do my best. He's also shown me that the way that we grow up doesn't have to determine what kind of person we will be. it's easy for me to say that i can't learn the language as well as others because i have a learning problem, but to say and believe that means that i don't have faith in God to help me through it. it means that i'm trying to do it on my own and that's not how God wants it to be. so, from now on, i will do my best and i will trust in Him to push me farther than i know i could normally go by myself. that doesn't mean that i'm going to be fluent any time soon, but at least i'll know that i'm giving it my all.

change = good

2007-02-23T01:51:00.000-05:00

i moved this month. got a bigger, better place and a roomie now. here's us in our new place..

i'll be sending out my new addy with my next email update. if you do not receive my updates and want my address, leave me a comment about it, thanks!

also, could you guys be lifting up these girls in prayer:
mamina, 20 years old and in a rock/punk band

ayako, 21 years old and will be a senior this year

yukari, 21 years old and will also be a senior this year

that they may *want* to know Him.

2007-01-19T22:34:00.000-05:00

STRENGTHEN ME LORD

Severe storms are coming

The black clouds are gathering

Harsh words like dark lightning

Strike min my heart.

Friends are praying for me

Love is flowing around me

Just like stars in a dark sky

Like a light surrounding me.

Strong arms surround me

Strong arms hold me tight.

Soft voices whisper in my ear

Have faith "we'll win this fight."

I am tossed, I am torn,

I am weak and forlorn.

But I trust in my Lord

To protect me through this storm.

In loving memory of my dear grandmother, Danell Baldwin (1930-2007)

woo woo! another update!

2007-01-14T00:32:00.000-05:00

so besides going to nagoya and kyoto for the new year, i also had agm to go to.. agm stands for annual general meeting and it was held a little south of tokyo.

it was really fun. us journeyman got to hang out. here's a few pictures from it:

on the way there mount fuji popped up from behind the mountains! i still can't believe i climbed it!

being goofy as always

there's just something about missionaries and card games.. don't know what it is though.. but if you're a missionary and you don't play cards... well.. you're just plain weird!

aww, we're one big happy family :)

the components of having a fun new years

2007-01-09T02:04:00.000-05:00

1. Cook chili in a Japanese kitchen.

2. Take a trip to Kyoto.

3. Read a book on foods to eat to have healthy poop.

4. Enjoy traditional New Years Japanese foods.

5. Eat lots of ramen and ice cream and watch movies!

new blog

2006-12-25T23:13:00.000-05:00

yay! no more xanga!

ps.. i spelled my web address wrong.. whoops! it's suppose to be "oneheartatatime" not "oneheartaratime"... yeah...